One Step! Pause. One Step! Pause

Reflecting on a conversation with my sister a few days ago, there are key insights I have gained that I believe will help me improve my active listening skills with more empathy and effectiveness.

• What is more productive than someone who truly listens to you and shares their feelings?

• How to stay in the heat of conflict instead of stuffing the feeling away.

• Be humble and admit mistakes.

Focusing on the many beautiful, harmonious colors in a picture is important. However, if an artist with a loving heart can transform a few incomplete or imperfect spots in the picture into flowers, the artwork becomes even more valuable.

• What is more productive than someone who truly listens to you and shares their feelings?

Sometimes during a conversation, I find myself feeling anxious, thinking, "This person isn’t really listening; She is too eager to share h own opinion." Each of us is a unique creation with distinct personalities, behaviors, and beauty. It’s no surprise that our perspectives can differ on the same issue. I’m becoming more aware of this, but I also recognize the unconscious impulse to defend ourselves, fix things, share our thoughts, or push for a win-win outcome. Acknowledging this instinct helps us avoid unnecessary arguments. Sometimes, it’s best to pause and say, "Let’s take a break."

Another realization is that we rarely ask others to share the deeper reasons behind their decisions. Instead of just discussing the conclusions they’ve reached, we often overlook the thought process that led us there. If we took the time to listen and encouraged others to share more, we could gain a better understanding of our perspectives. By being patient, respectful, and slowing down before passing judgment, we create an opportunity to embrace each other with love and support.

Listening is not easy. We are often too busy, too proud, or too focused on controlling outcomes. At times, we feel too vulnerable and retreat into ourselves to protect our emotions. Yet, we shouldn’t let this disconnect us, because, in the end, we love and need each other.

How rewarding would it be if we made the time to truly listen, empathize, connect, and understand one another?

• How to stay in the heat of conflict instead of stuffing the feeling away.

During our conversation, I began to realize that we were not on the same page. Our way of communicating and reacting ended up hurting each other. But, thank God, we were able to open up and be vulnerable, showing our true selves. Honestly, there were moments when I felt like giving up—I even asked her to stop. In those moments, I believe we both remained silent and asked God to bless and guide our conversation.

That precious time allowed me to process and validate my emotions. It also gave me a chance to sit with God, reflect, and pay attention to my sister’s tone, body language, and reactions. By pausing at each step, with God by my side, I was able to respond with care and empathy, asking questions to understand the impact and context of the microaggressions.

Taking those pauses helped me minimize microaggressions, foster an atmosphere of respect and inclusion, and model positive behaviors. One thing I believe could truly transform our relationship is invited each other to stop and pray together, then return to the conversation afterward. How beautiful would it be if, in the midst of conflict, we stayed aware and, with a desire to stay connected, invited God to be with us and soften our hearts? How lovely, indeed, if together we asked God to open our ears and touch our tongues.

• Be humble and admit mistakes.

Lastly, pride is one of the biggest obstacles to listening. It’s not easy to step forward and ask others to listen to us, especially when we fear being put down or rejected.It’s hard not to wrestle with thoughts like, “Why me?” or “I asked before, but she ignored me. If she didn’t care about this relationship, why should I?” or “Just let it go. Be happy. There are so many people around.”

However, another force pushed me to think differently. Yes, love is mutual. Sound cannot be made with only one hand. But what if everyone asked, “Why me?” Then nothing would ever happen. I began to look inward and ask myself, “Do I really want this relationship? Why not me?” I was grateful for advice from another sister: “The one who loves more will suffer. Do you dare to bear this loss? I trust that God will be pleased to see you struggling and trying to preserve this relationship.”

Thank God, with her prayers and my desire to keep the relationship, I was able to let go of my pride and humbly ask my sister to sit down and take the time so we could listen to each other.“Stepping out” is like putting a key into a door lock and opening it. But to enjoy the treasures inside, more action and desire are needed. After we laid everything out on the table and shared our thoughts, we stood up, apologized for the things we had said and thought that were inappropriate, and gently encouraged each other to live authentically. We promised to continue supporting and accompanying each other on this journey to become the best versions of ourselves, as God intended.

Without humility and the vulnerability to admit our mistakes, we wouldn’t be able to listen to each other, nor could we embrace each other with joyful tears. Thank God for being with us and guiding us. Listening is a precious gift we need in our lives. Please teach us how to listen.

***

Life is like a song that constantly moves and evolves, with its steps and rhythms continuing endlessly. It is always in motion, with new experiences and moments adding to the overall melody of life. But how can the imperfect spots in the beautiful picture of our lives be transformed? We entrust them into God's hands—our loving potter, our wondrous artist.

ThúyHuong

Valentine's Day, Ngày 14 tháng 2 năm2025